I was nearly mute. Not in front of my family, but with my friends and acquaintances. I couldn’t speak with anyone at school, even with my friends. I was desperately unhappy. I had social anxiety disorder. Boring Ben was my name. I hated school so much, I used to walk circuits around the school by myself during break. I didn’t have any where to go, most kids at the age of 12 should be kicking a ball around and having fun. I had a deep sadness which I now know to be childhood depression and anxiety. I wasn’t a genius, I was in set three for most of my classes. Once I went up to set one in English, but I felt really scared and out of my depth. My bipolar was developing, causing fairly severe anxiety. I lasted only a few months there. I couldn’t answer questions and couldn’t speak out loud in front of the class. I use to tremble in fear. I had social anxiety disorder quite badly but no one ever thought to diagnose it because as soon as I got back from school I was like a normal child in front of my family. I think I was more mature than most children of my age. This is because I spent so much time helping to look after my brother who had a severe learning disability. Once I went on a brass band trip to Northern France. I didn’t say a single word to anyone all week and managed just two or three hours of sleep a night. Desperate. I thought I would never sleep again.
I was deeply sensitive. Once my physics teacher shouted at me because I was not looking at the board, I think my arm was resting on my head. He told me off and sent me out. I started crying profusely. I’d never been in trouble before, ever. Most people thought I was a crybaby after that. I sometimes think I would’ve looked really cool if I had stood my ground and maybe answered the teacher back because I had done nothing wrong.
I did a lot of work for my GCSEs and I was rewarded seven grade Bs and one A*. This was the last time I talked with my secondary school friends. I didn’t gel with them anymore and discovered some really nice friends at sixth form college. Mark saved my life. I was desperately shy but he saw something in me. It was a nice feeling knowing that someone cared about me. He was very cool too and listened to the same music that I liked, in particular Mr Scruff and the Fish Song! We sometimes went to the Barrels pub at lunch time and played pool. We must have looked like kids as we were only 16 at the time. He was a great influence on me. He seemed to really like me as did our wider group of friends including Francine, Matthew, Bel, Gail and Katrine. They were all kind and empathetic regarding my shyness so it wasn’t too bad. They were a kind bunch.
Childhood depression or even bipolar can exist in childhood as well as ADHD which stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, a neurodevelopmental condition that affects children and adults. People with ADHD may have difficulty paying attention, being still, remembering things, or controlling their impulses. ADHD is usually diagnosed in childhood, but can last into adulthood. Insomnia during childhood can occur during stressful occasions such as revising for exams.
ADHD and bipolar disorder have similar symptoms - they’re often misdiagnosed for one another.
ADHD and bipolar disorder often occur together. Some symptoms, such as impulsivity and inattention, can overlap. This can sometimes make them difficult to to differentiate. It’s still not entirely clear why ADHD and bipolar disorder commonly occur together. It’s thought that genetic and biological factors could be partially responsible.
Maybe there is a profound link between ADHD and bipolar disorder that has yet to be found.