Bipolar can be scary.. really scary.
When manic you can be reckless, crazy, funny, hyper, stupid, rude, silly and also completely psychotic. On the other side you can become severely depressed with terrible thoughts and feeling completely hopeless about the future. I’ve had many ‘breakdowns’. Life is tough..
I suffered from childhood depression first of all. I was desperately unhappy at school and was very quiet. I was chronically depressed. Childhood depression is quite rare but sometimes it comes as a component of bipolar. You just need a life stressor when older and bipolar can be ‘unlocked’. When I was at university I suddenly became very stressed. I had terrible intrusive thoughts. I became stressed because I couldn’t cope with the workload, especially as exams were looming on the horizon. I became physically sick because of the awful stress I encountered. I became seriously ill and nothing seemed to make sense. I became tearful listening to Nick Drake, in particular the album ‘Pink Moon’ which is very emotional. I became totally psychotic and suffered from insomnia for three weeks. I thought I was going mad because a lack of sleep makes bipolar even worse.
I had ‘unlocked’ bipolar disorder.
I was desperately ill…
I sought the help from a psychiatrist. As the psychiatrist did not know I had bipolar (before I had encountered mania) he put me on chlorpromazine, an ancient anti-psychotic from the 1950s as well as paroxetine, a very strong anti-depressant. People with bipolar should not really go on anti-depressants because it contributes to mania. After two months I became terribly manic. I used to talk to random people on the street. I didn’t need any sleep, was the life and soul of the party, was hyper and everyone I knew said I was a completely different person. I was reckless and impulsive. I’m not sure which is worse, the terrible lows of depression or the terrible highs of mania. The mania lasted nearly a year. I am a very introverted person but I became the complete opposite. I became a complete extrovert.
One problem with mania is that you are not aware you are ill. You have little insight into your illness. These were desperate times.
The worst point in my life..
Psychosis occurs if you have bipolar one, the most severe form of bipolar. You can lose contact with reality, suffer from delusions, confusion, hear voices and things might not make any sense at all. Psychosis occurs most commonly in severe mania. Despite this it is also possible to get psychotic depression and also mixed states where the person experiencing illness has both depression and mania at the same time. This is very dangerous, mixed states thankfully are not that common. Bipolar one psychosis is similar to schizophrenia. Psychiatrists often make mistakes in diagnosing bipolar, mistaking it for schizophrenia.
The other type of bipolar is called bipolar two. People with this illness tend not to have any psychosis. They predominantly suffer from depression and the mania they experience is called hypomania which is less serious. Bipolar one sufferers have what is known as hypermania.
Psychosis is horrible and desperately scary..
I have been ill most of my adult life. I have had countless episodes of major depression and have been manic for three years recently (without realising it). I have been to hospital seven times for months at a time which were not good experiences. Remember, if you see a psychiatrist, have your say if you are well enough to do so. You must agree on what medications they want you to take. I have also had ECT (electric shock therapy) which worked ok however it’s a very scary experience. They put you under anaesthetic first which stops you from moving and which then sends you to sleep. I always woke up screaming and confused. I would not recommend ECT unless you are desperately ill.
I am quite a creative person as a lot of people who have bipolar tend to be. Some creative and famous bipolar sufferers are Kurt Cobain from the band Nirvana, Mel Gibson, Stephen Fry, Sinead O Connor, Carrie Fisher, Russell Brand, Mariah Carey and Nina Simone.
I play guitar and have been in a band. I also take part in photography. I am not good at saving money. Sometimes you can bankrupt yourself if you go on manic shopping sprees! Bipolar people tend to be quite impulsive.
People with bipolar sometimes drink a little too much. This is because they use it to self-medicate. Alcohol is in the same class as diazepam (Valium) and works in a similar way.
The prognosis of a bipolar sufferer can be good if they look after themselves and take their medications. They need a healthy amount of sleep each night and should not drink too much alcohol as hangovers can cause depression.
Bipolar cannot be cured, you have it for life. But your life does not have to be bad..
The ‘gold standard’ treatment for bipolar is lithium, or it was some time ago. It is said to stop mania and prevent suicide. I must admit I have been on it for 15 years but I cannot say it has helped that much. One huge downfall is that it causes the sufferer to get an underactive thyroid. Regular blood tests are needed. A good thing, if you have an underactive thyroid you can get all your prescriptions free for life! Psychiatrists these days are more likely to subscribe 2nd generation anti-psychotics such as olanzapine and quetiapine for bipolar. A relatively new medication is called lurasidone and it is a wonder drug. It is an anti-psychotic but it is used to treat bipolar depression and mania, as well as schizophrenia. It is highly effective. I really like this drug. Anti-depressants such as paroxetine, fluoxetine and citalopram should be used with caution as they can trigger mania, or even mixed states. So called SSRIs can make you very unstable. They are useful for major depression. I am on clozapine (a drug for treatment resistant bipolar), clomipramine (a very mild anti-depressant which doesn’t trigger mania), lurasidone and lithium. It’s a good mixture of drugs and I feel stable. Anxiety is prevalent in bipolar. If desperate you can take lorazepam to calm yourself down. If you have chronic insomnia I would recommend zopiclone, but only for short periods of time.
Bipolar sufferers - don’t be afraid to discuss and have your say when you speak to a psychiatrist about which drugs you are to be prescribed..
Remember - lurasidone.
Thanks for reading this. I hope it helps. If you’re feeling ill try contacting your friends. You should never feel alone. You can get through this without doubt. There is more to life than bipolar.
Make sure you have a say in your treatment.
Try to take up a new hobby and occupy yourself to get away from the terrible thoughts.
Just making this website has helped me take my mind off bipolar.
Bipolar disorder cannot be cured but it can be managed if you keep taking your medication. I hope this blog post helps you. I am very knowledgeable about mental health disorders. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you need help or assistance. Best wishes and take care.
Some useful contacts:
Look for a peer support group near you and join the eCommunity.
Call 116 123 (UK) and email or chat online. Whatever you’re going through.
Call 0300 123 3393 for advice. Email info@mind.org.uk
My Life Story - thank you for sharing and being so honest. That takes courage!
It certainly sounds sad and more than scary but it's great you are writing this blog. Thank you.